Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
