It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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