You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
