i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
