remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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