were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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