He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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