I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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