I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
