I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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