She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
