I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
