the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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