I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Someone shit on the floor
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
