my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
