She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
