I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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