i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
