Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
