i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's never too late to be topless.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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