He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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