I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
time to smoke my breakfast
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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