I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
