So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
