the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
