Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
