well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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