There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
