:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
