You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
