I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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