I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
