i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
