nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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