Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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