I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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