Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
