Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
