Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
