your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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