We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
