I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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