so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
