belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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