I can text with my tongue
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
