Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
