Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
