I love black thongs
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
