omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
