All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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